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My Journal
31.08.2008
I really intended to start on this journal today, but since it is such a gorgeous and sunny Sunday, I want to enjoy it.
So I will make it short: Today I contacted the TV Channel 3 SAT/Swiss TV about computer pictures depicting the way Dirk should look today. I will focus on that approach next week since that is one of the best ideas my friend suggested to me. Don't think I am writing all of this by myself; no, my friend is helping me because what I'm writing down is exactly what I feel. She is helping me with the journalistic process of the Dirk Schiller Case. This is my way of thanking her for her help.
03.09.2008
Yesterday I was contacted by a journalist. She knows another mother from former East Germany whose child disappeared and is still missing and wants to bring us together. I can hardly wait to find out if her case shows parallels to Dirk's case. The journalist also requested a baby picture of my son. She said she may know someone who could create computer photos that show how my son would look today.
Those who fight may lose. Those who don't fight have lost the fight already.
04.09.2008
Recently so much has been going on that is thrilling and exciting to me. I am full of energy that drives me on. To find Dirk has been and still is my goal.
Apparently it also is the purpose of my life.
Those decades of searching for Dirk and my *Stasi confinement* have shaped my personality, and it was a tough act. No one can take that away from me. It has become my essence. The conversations with my journalist friend keep providing us both with new approaches, and we try to realize them bit by bit.
Today I got the phone number of a mom who is also *searching* for her child. Of course I will contact her. Despite the courage I keep feeling I am also afraid of that phone call. Because I know how I feel when I talk about it, even though it can be liberating at times to talk about it. But how does that other *mom* deal with it? Who has helped her *survive* this throughout the years? That and so much more is on my mind. But I will do it tomorrow. I think it may also help that woman to talk to a mother who has experienced a *fate* similar to her own fate.
05.09.2008
Today just isn't my day. I am plagued by pains in many joints. Went to the physician who pulled out the threads - after my knee joint surgery last week. All kinds of different joints have been hurting for decades now, though no one else in my family has been suffering from that condition. Sometimes I wonder if that may be the wordless protest of my body about the silent disappearance of my child? My permanent pain that has manifested itself in my joints and that is to remind me again and again not to freeze in helpless anger?
Oh well, and then there were a few not-so-pleasant phone calls and no responses to my many e-mails this week. It's just a low point that happens from time to time.
However, I will get out of it again.
08.09.2008
What happened to little Felix?
Felix' mom and I are in contact. She said to me, "Dear Mrs Stein, we both have to be strong for our missing children", and that gave me a lot of strength. She, too, is looking for her son.
Here a summary of her case:
It is December of 1984 when Eleonore and Eberhard Tschök are going shopping, taking their baby in its carriage along. When they return from a short stop at a store, the baby carriage is empty, the five-month-old Felix is gone.
The traces of the missing child lead to the Soviet Army.
Because: A sick baby surfaces a few days later. The thesis: Members of the Soviet Army simply replaced Felix with their own sick child. Felix' parents report live on the German TV Show stern TV how they went to Moscow and how they were hoping to see their obducted child again soon.
09.09.2008
This morning my phone has been ringing non-stop. In some cases I can help a Stasi victim, in other cases a Stasi victim helps me - and two newspapers called today. They want to publish something about Dirk. It sounded very interesting. Oh well, let's see which paper will do an article about the case.
And then the Wall Museum (Mauermuseum) in Berlin contacted me today. By now they have turned into old friends. They also want to see who can provide such computer photos. The Wall Museum features an exhibition room about all my activities regarding Dirk and the story behind it. About 2,000 visitors walk through it every day and learn about the Dirk Schiller Case. My great hope: That, when we finally get our hands on that computer picture that shows what Dirk should look like today, that will get us a big step ahead and Dirk will be found.
I want to take this opportunity to once again thank the Wall Museum and especially its Director, Alexandra Hildebrandt.
11.09.2008
7 years ago today I did not really understand the extent of the catastrophy in America. Today I have more background
information and thus can judge it better. The whole world was on the threshold of another war. And again humans were sacrificed. I have the greatest respect for the families of the victims. I wish them strength and that nothing like that will ever happen again.
In the matter of Dirk more little steps are taken. An Americanwants to feature the story in the US now so that the whole world may find out what the Stasi has done to their people.
What despicable people have brought injustice and suffering over others! I keep wondering about that inhumane system over and over again.
15.09.2008
On Sunday I met with a magazine photographer in the Harz where the search for Dirk started almost thirty years ago. The publisher's office photographed a few documents as well, and I was to bring some files along. Those reports always bring back everything, especially if they are done at the site on that field and in that parking lot. Memories of those hours that changed my whole life come back to haunt me. Afterwards I am always spent. Oh well, my partner was there with me and extremely supportive-
Last week I received mail from the General Secretary, Roland Pofalla, MdB. He offered encouraging words for the *Stasi* Victim Support Group. Unfortunately he cannot help me in Dirk's matter, however, he will forward my request to the "Aufarbeitung" Foundation.
16.09.2008
I feel beaten today. I could constantly lie down and rest. My back is completely overstrained and hurts. That probably stems from the trip to the Harz and the old pictures that came back to me after twenty-nine years.
I have to do everything possible in this life to find out what happened to my son, Dirk.
How could I die like this?
22.09.2008
Shortly after they opened the border between East and West Germany, each citizen of the GDR could pick up a welcoming gift of 100 Deutschmarks at their city hall. At the time I was working for the newspaper Wolfsburger Allgemeine Zeitung, and we all were requested to offer the East German citizens that were streaming into our city coffee and cake. They also got the opportunity to make a free phone call to their friends and relatives in the West.
I was against this welcoming action. My reason was that I would find myself face to face with criminals of the East German Dictatorship as well - and would even have to serve coffee and cake on them! I absolutely refused to partake in that farce and therefore had to work on the upper floors of the newspaper building - filing and such.
I wanted to never ever have to face the perpetrators again since the opening of the borders were like a great big celebration for all of them.
My own joy was tainted by my hunch of what we were to expect...
And here we go again: Instead of going to jail as they would deserve the perpetrators receive retirement money today - while the victims of the East German Regime have to struggle for recognition and are still being taunted by their perps - in part openly in the streets, and in part anonymously by e-mails or phone calls. But all that is going on inofficially so that the German public does not get any idea what is really happening.
Now I have also written to a few American radio channels, too. Who knows, maybe one of them will be interested in the mysterious obduction of my child... Tomorrow I will write to some more radio stations. Yesterday we took care of regular everyday stuff - that has to be done too, sometimes, and it feels like a pleasant break! We prepared our plants for the coming winter and took a few inside, so they won't freeze.
Parliament and requested to be sent the new law regarding the pension of former GDR leaders. Another Stasi victim informed me that something has been passed by German Legislation. Now I want to find out all about it because as always the German media does not report about that...
23.09.2008
Yesterday my friend Harry had surgery. He got a new hip.
He is a true hero, and there are way too few of those around. He even wanted to answer his e-mail on his laptop in the operation theater - just to help others as always.
Now, after talking to his wife, I found out that he is doing fine after the surgery. Now we have to wait and see how well he is healing. I myself have had three hip replacements and know only too well how he's doing.
I was also surprised by an e-mail from a radio station in Canada. Their response was very kind, however, they can't do anything for my son Dirk.
I also got e-mail with enclosures from the German Parliament with information about the minister pensions of the former GDR ministers who were in charge of East Germany for the last 5 months of its existence. The new law granting them "honor pensions" is another slap in the face for all victims of the East German regime.
Once again I am deeply disappointed and can hardly believe what is happening here.
25.09.2008
We've dug up an article about a book that was published in 2004 and that deals with the case of a female physician against whom a so-called "operative process" were initiated in East Germany. In other words: The East German Secret Service (Stasi) committed itself to destroy the woman through bullying and psychological warfare because she had become an undesirable object for the East German Regime...
Shortly after the German Reunification the poor woman killed herself. That was probably because - having been mobbed out of her profession through defamation and false rumors and emotionally drained through systematic Stasi terror methods - she had only been surviving on the hope that she would finally find peace after the Wall came down. Obviously that was not the case, though, and therefore she committed suicide. A tragic story.
Interesting about that non-fiction book is the fact that already a third edition has been published - but that it is out of print. And even though the regular bookstore price amounts to € 22, it is currently being sold over the internet for up to 100+ €. So who is that interested in those remaining copies on the market that their current market value is almost five times as high as the original bookstore price? Journalists? The Police? Or criminals - of today? That's what we ask ourselves. Because that which used to so-called "destructive methods" or "operative processes" carried out by the Stasi has been resurfacing under a new name since the beginning of the 2000s - under so-called "gangstalking".
Now I wrote to the society that has published the book and the article, requesting to get the authorization to publish the article on my website and on Harry's. Maybe they also have an answer to the question who is so interested in the rest copies of that book.
A TV channel called me. They want to introduce people who are volunteers in organizations such as ours. So much is going that that my work keeps getting very exciting. But I never lose sight of my main goal - to find my child again.
Everything's going to be all right.
26.09.2008
A few days ago I had a very exciting day because then I opened a *blog* online as advised by my friend (who also helps me do the writing). I was tinkering with it until late in the evening - oh well, and I think I did pretty good? (kaiheidi1.blog.de)
Today I read through the leaflet I got from the German *Parliament* - and I was speechless (that doesn't happen very often!). According to the newly passed law former GDR ministers and their dear ones will enjoy a so-called 'honorable pension*of a minimum of € 650.00 per month as of 12 April 1990 (that means they will be getting 18 years' worth of that pension - what a nice chunk).
An East German *victim* of *confinement*gets - if he or she can show evidence of at least 6 months of Stasi confinement AND if his or her GDR-Stasi confinement is officially acknowledged AND only if he or she can prove that they don't exceed a certain (low) minimum of income - well? How much? A staggering amount of € 250.00 per month (that's approx. US-$ 250 or so...).
But without any backpay, only as of October of 2007, and that after many years of fighting for it!
I just don't get it. What good did those *ministers* do the German *Democracy*? And how much *unjust* *suffering* did those ministers agreed to and let happen! How fair is this? Those ministers don't have to show evidence of anything, neither their *income* nor anything else. And their retirement pay will be adjusted to the official pension increases - while the pension for the victims of confinement will stay at the amount of € 250.00.
In other countries ministers like these clowns are punished. Here they are honored and rewarded for the *injustice* they actively supported. What country do we live in????
02.10.2009
A Direct Wire to the German Chancellor
A few days ago I wrote to our *chancellor* Ms Merkel once again since she had no time, desire or interest to answer my first letter of May 2008 (that had been served on her personally by a member of the *Parliament*). Of course my request is her assistance in the *search* for my son. I mean, if our chancellor is unable to effect the re-opening of the files - then who is??
Now I got a reply from her "DirectConnectiontotheChancellor" Team. Sounds on-the-go, doesn't it? Like a direct wire and things like that... Therefore I want to share that reply with you:
Dear Ms Stein,
thank you for sending your request. Unfortunately we cannot publish your contribution in the submitted form.
Please write down a concrete question about the politics of the government that Ms *Merkel* can answer in her function as chancellor. Only if a large number of users can relate to your question and vote for your contribution it will have a chance to be entered into the selection pool and be answered by the chancellor.
We do understand your personal situation and the fact that you are looking for support and advice in the matter. However, we cannot provide that on www.direktzurkanzlerin.de.
We would like to offer you our suggestion how you could re-phrase your request according to our user conditions. In order to do so, it would be advisable to start it with a general question and to explain that question by stating your case. It would read like this:
"Where is Dirk?
Dear Frau Bundeskanzlerin,
I am a mother from *East Germany* whose son Dirk disappeared 29 years ago under rather mysterious circumstances in the *GDR* - long before the Wall came down. My son could not be found yet.
Since there are several cases such as mine - unsolved even today -, I have the question why the government has no political influence. Wasn't the *Birthler Commission* (formerly: *Gauck Commission*) established to help Stasi victims in solving their cases? Why does the same argumentation not apply to cases of children *obducted* - presumably by the *Stasi*?
In order to illustrate my request, I would like to describe my personal situation to you:....."
Would that be an acceptable solution for you? If yes, please send us your request anew, including the quoted request. Or send us a short reply mail. Please remember that we cannot publish your homepage in your request. We will have to remove it in any case. However, there are very good chances that you can be found via the www through related search words. You may also add your homepage to your profile on direktzu!
We greatly regret that we are unable to help you in any other way. We wish you a lot of strength and good luck in your search for your son!
Sincerely,
Your Team of "direktzurkanzlerin"
Sure I will try THAT, too... but honestly - does that sound like a direct wire to the chancellor?
27.10.2008
Stasi Vehicles of the Third Kind
The East German Secret Service (Stasi) also operated special vehicles for "special" operations. Stasi officials would, for instance, use a car that was identical to 3 or 4 other cars in respect to its color, model and even license plate number. Those vehicles were only driven by the Stasi. Since they had several "doppelgangers", an identification of those cars was impossible. The vehicles were used for the surveillance or harassment of Stasi victims. The license plate numbers could only be identified by the Stasi; they were not registered elsewhere
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